Philly Sports Post - Home of the PSP Podcast

The new biggest sports story of the New Year has struck, A-Rod has admitted to taking performance-enhancing drugs. A lot of writers are killing A-Rod, the MLBPA, and the sport itself, but not I. Why? Because I don’t care that these guys cheated, because when people find a way to get ahead in life they take it. Everybody does unscrupulous things in an attempt to better their life. Men leave their girlfriends and wives every day for somebody younger, or prettier, or more fun. People lie everyday about coworkers in order to politic their way to the big corner office. Dishonesty is a way of life, and I’m at least aware enough to know that sometimes selling out your principals makes sense. In fact, the biggest issue I have with this whole deal is that people express shock and angst each time a big name athlete is linked to steroids. I find this public outcry and horror kind of amusing so here goes my list of people I wish would test positive for steroids, just for the level of disillusionment that would arise from the revelation. Please don’t take this the wrong way; I am certainly not accusing anyone of taking anything. I just think the current image the media portrays of these athletes would cause the most hand-wringing across the sports world were they to fall from grace.


1. Cal Ripken Jr.- Everybody was so in love with the Iron Man that if it came out he was a cheater, nerdy baseball writers from across the country would cry themselves to sleep for months.

2. Nolan Ryan- Just so that generation between the Baby Boomers and Generation X can chill the heck out with their romancing of late 70’s early 80’s baseball. I thought about Reggie Jackson to accomplish this goal, but Nolan is such a “man’s man” that he’s perfect.

3. Tony Stewart- Jimmie Johnson- I wanted a championship driver, and I would have picked Stewart because he’s more popular with “Old School NASCAR” fans, but one look at Tony and you can see there ain’t no HGH going on over there. So I picked Jimmie because I’d like to see how the fan base responds to their champion being a “cheater”. Especially considering nobody really complained when his crew chief was suspended for cheating back in his first championship campaign.

4. Brett Favre- I hate what the media has made Brett Favre. He was a Hall of Fame quarterback, but that wasn’t good enough. They tried to portray him as the good ol’ country boy who just kept playing despite being too old for his game, the American hero, the warrior. Brett is right where Clemens was after winning his final Cy Young award. The public adores him, and Favre may be the last guy remaining that the public would initially side with if a report came out. The fact that people commend his record games played streak to this day despite the fact he was on painkillers for a long stretch of it just goes to show the level of indiscretion the American public is willing to ignore for their gray haired icon. A steroid scandal is the only way to untell the glorious tale of hard work and the American dream that is the Brett Favre story.

5. Albert Pujols- Baseball newest best player to never test positive. As long as baseball fans are willing to be naïve fools that want to believe their heroes are clean, I’m going to root for those heroes to turn out to be dirty. Pujols is the choice now, but it could easily soon be Chase Utley, Hanley Ramirez, or David Wright. In fact…

6. David Wright- Because I hate the Mets. A scandal involving their golden boy is just what the doctor ordered.

7. Tom Brady, David Ortiz, and Larry Bird- Because I hate Boston even more, I hate their fans especially. If I could invalidate 2001 Sox, those already tainted Pats teams, and Larry Legend and his bandwagon inducing Celtic teams of the 80’s. (I dislike, yet begrudgingly respect the KG Celtics.) White people are allowed to cheer for black players, even in Philly. Anyway, if I could prove any of those teams to be cheating, I’d be a happy man that night for sure. In fact, I my even have a few Sam Adamses to celebrate.

8. Tiger Woods- Because he dominates a sport (that doesn’t test for PEDs) like nobody before him ever did, yet nobody says a word. You’d think he was Obama he’s so untouchable. Old white guys would never trust a young minority athlete again, not after Tiger broke their hearts.

9. Michael Jordan- Because this guy is by all accounts an over-competitive a**hole. Because every American looks at him as the paragon of competitive team sports. Because Jose Canseco and MLB were juiced out of their minds in the early 90’s, but we don’t ever look at basketball players for PED abuse. He spent time in pro baseball locker rooms, and they weren’t testing back then, so in what world wouldn’t an over-competitive guy with the means and opportunity to press his advantage go for it? Just saying.

10. Rickey Henderson- The Baseball hall of Fame writers are firm in their stance that they will not elect a cheater. Not McGwire, not Bonds, not Sosa, and not Clemens. But what if they already let a cheater in the hall, then what? Those nerds would be devastated! Plus there’s like a 15% chance Rickey admits to using PEDs during his acceptance speech this summer. God I love Rickey. My all-time favorite baseball player, and this would only clinch that standing.


Don’t get me wrong, I love sports, and I respect every athlete on this list, but these stories make me want to slap the American public in the back on the head. Stop worshipping these guys and just accept them for who they are, young men who are willing to do whatever they have to in order to get ahead. You would do the same, and probably have in some form or another. So stop getting shocked and outraged because at least when they sell-out, pro athletes are getting top dollar.

Greg